


Terrible Things

by starrywrite



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 23:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3268265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can I tell you a terrible thing? It seems that I’m sick and I’ve only got weeks. Please, don’t be sad now, I really believe, you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.” - Mayday Parade, Terrible Things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terrible Things

**Author's Note:**

> angsty zaya AU!! ~inspired by me watching too much Grey’s Anatomy lately and the song Terrible Things by Mayday Parade~ 
> 
> tw for mention terminal illness and mentions of death. + there’s a lot of medical-y things in this, and i did do a lot of research but i apologize if anything is inaccurate! 
> 
> ENJOY ^_^

Maya gets a phone call in the middle of the night, and her entire world stops the moment she answers her phone. 

With a sleepy, “Hello?” she yawns and rubs her eyes, then immediately freezes, her body going stiff when she hears sniffling coming from the other end of the call. She pulls her phone away from her ear for a moment to check the caller ID and then her eyes go wide. “Zig?” she says into the phone, bringing it back to her ear as she’s greeted with more soft cries.

_“Hey,”_ Zig manages to choke out after a moment.

“Hey,” Maya says breathlessly, and she’s already out of bed, looking for her shoes. She doesn't know where she’s going, or if she even has to go anywhere, but she knows that Zig needs her. “Are you okay? You sound upset.”

_“I’m, uh,”_ Zig’s voice shakes as he speaks, and then he falls silent. 

Maya’s heart is racing, adrenaline pumping through her veins, but she stands still in the center of her room, her phone in one hand and one of her sneakers in the other. “Zig,” she says, trying to keep calm despite the fact that she feels like throwing up. “You’re scaring me.”

_“Sorry,”_ he apologizes, and she hears him sniffle again, then exhale shakily as if he’s trying to compose himself but just can’t. And she still doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. 

“Just talk to me,” she tells him - she begs him.

Zig doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then he says, _“I’m scared. And I need you. Can you - can you come over, please?”_

“Yeah, of course,” Maya replies. She drops down onto her bed, taking a moment to catch her breath, before she asks, “Uh, do you want me to come around the back or are you going to be waiting in front of the store -”

_“I’m not at my house, Maya,”_ Zig interrupts, and there isn’t anything she can do to prepare her for what he says next. _“I’m at the hospital.”_

* * * 

Maya Matlin is selfish. Because as she rides her bike from her house to the hospital, more often than not she finds herself hoping that Zig’s mom is ill or his brother had gotten hurt. Because she can’t swallow the thought of something being wrong with Zig. Because she loves him too much. Because she’s selfish.

She nearly crashes her bike three times but she manages to get to the hospital in one piece, and she doesn’t even bother to lock her bike up because she can’t seem to get inside fast enough. The automatic doors slide open and she rushes inside, taking a moment to look around. Her eyes land on the waiting room, she she stands there looking in but she doesn’t see Zig seated in an uncomfortable chair with his head in his hands. She isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or not.

“Can I help you?” the receptionist asks, and she jumps out of her skin when she hears her voice.

“Um,” she walks up to the front desk, brushing her disheveled hair behind her ear, and she says, “I’m looking for someone, I think he may be a patient.”

“Name, please?” the receptionist asks, her fingers already hovering over the keyboard.

“Z - Zig Novak,” she stutters, then adds, “He may not be a patient though; he has a mom and a brother - just look up the name Novak and -”

“Zig Novak,” the receptionist says and Maya stops talking immediately. “He’s in room 2455 on the fifth floor.”

“He is?” Maya asks, her heart dropping all the way into her stomach and then it sinks like a rock, settling uncomfortably in the pit of her abdomen. “So - so he’s a patient?”

“‘Fraid so, honey,” the receptionist says, a sympathetic smile, and Maya feels short of breath in the same way she did when Zig first called her. 

Maya just nods. “Thank you,” she manages to choke out, and without another word she walks over to the elevator. Her hands tremble as she presses the ‘5’ button inside and they shake even more when she tries to text Zig that she’s here and on her way up to his room. _His room_ , his _hospital_ room. Where he’s a patient with God knows what is wrong with him. He could be sick, or hurt, or -

She doesn’t allow herself to finish that last thought, because that would be a bitter pill to swallow and quite frankly, she can’t take it. 

The elevator ‘dings’ and the doors slide open, and Maya’s breath hitches in her throat as she walks out of the elevator, looking around the fifth floor of the hospital. “Two, four, five, five,” she murmurs to herself as she sets out in search of Zig’s room. She finds it easier than she expected, and she just stands outside of the closed door for a moment, wondering how she ended up here - visiting her boyfriend in the hospital. 

Taking a deep breath, she knocks on the door before pushing it open and taking a tentative step inside. “Zig?” she calls out softly. She nearly stops breathing when she sees him laid up in a hospital bed, tubes up his nose and an IV in his arms. “Oh, my god, Zig!” She rushes over to his bedside, one hand up to cover her mouth in shock.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he tells her. She can see the tearstains on his cheeks, despite his efforts to force a small smile. “Really, the machines and everything just make it look so much more dramatic.”

“Wh - what happened?” she chokes out from behind her hand. Tears are welling up in her eyes, and Zig reaches for her free hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. 

“Like I said, it’s not as bad as it looks,” he starts. “I hadn’t been feeling well for a few days, and when my mom saw that I wasn’t getting better, she got really worried so she brought me to the clinic. And when my doctor was examining me he -” Zig stops for a moment, biting his lip in hesitation and he averts his gaze away from Maya as he says, “He said something was wronf with my heart. Like, it has an irregular beat or something. Next thing I know, I’m getting a chest x-ray, blood work, and then he was talking about something called a BPN and an EKG - and I don’t know, it was a lot of doctor speak that I didn’t understand. But it was so fucking scary to hear.” Zig sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “And now we’re just waiting on the results.”

Maya feels dizzy. “S - something’s wrong with your heart?” she asks, her voice shaking. 

“Maybe,” Zig replies, still unable to look at her. “We don’t know yet.” 

“Oh my god,” is all Maya can choke out. 

Zig turns to look at her and when he sees the tears welling up in her eyes, he reaches out for her and pulls her into a tight hug. “Oh, no, please don’t cry,” he says and Maya buries her face in the crook of his neck. “Don’t cry, I’m sorry - I should’ve waited until we got my test results back to say anything to you. But after my doctor told me everything I got really freaked out, and then my mom left to go check up on my brother and I just - I didn’t want to be alone. And I just really wanted you here.”

Maya doesn’t say anything for a moment; she simply just clings to Zig, holding him tight as tears roll down her face. One of her hands move up to his chest, where she places her palm flat against the paper thin material of his hospital gown, and she feels his heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

“I’m here,” she finally manages to choke out, and he kisses the top of her head. She closes her eyes, her hand still rooted on his chest, almost as if she’s savoring the sound. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

_‘You’d better not go anywhere either,’_ she thinks to herself, and he hugs him a little bit tighter.

* * * 

A few hours later, Zig and Maya awake to the sound of Ms. Novak crying, her body hunched over by her son’s bed and she keeps muttering, “No, no, please, no.”

Zig’s doctor has to tell them the news because she can’t stop crying. He comes into the room with a somber look on his face, and the first thing he says is, “I’m sorry.” 

He starts off by talking about something called Cardiomegaly, something Zig didn’t even know he had. His doctor goes on to explain that Cardiomegaly is an enlarged heart, which caused by blockages in the heart's blood supply and high blood pressure. 

He adds that these blockages are caused by alcohol and/or drug abuse, and Zig’s face goes white. Maya’s fingernails dig into his forearm, leaving crescent moon shaped marks in his skin but Zig doesn’t react.

Then his doctor goes into why Zig is in the hospital in the first place - something called Congestive Heart Failure. He tells them that Zig’s heart’s pumping power is weaker than it should be, meaning blood is moving through his body at a slower rate. As a result, his heart isn’t pumping enough oxygen and nutrients throughout his body. The chambers of his heart have become stiff and thick in an attempt to help keep the blood moving. But his heart muscles are weakening and becoming unable to pump blood efficiently. As a result, his kidneys are causing his body to keep fluid and salt, causing the body to become congested. 

(If it weren’t _her_ boyfriend having heart failure, Maya would’ve thought the naming of this condition was pretty clever).

Zig can't say anything, his body has gone rigid as he sits there, just listening to everything his doctor says as he goes on to discuss treatment options. He tells them how Zig will need surgery to try and repair the damage, maybe even a heart transplant. Maya can feel him trembling beside her. She wraps her arms around him and rests her head on his shoulder, whispering to him, “It’ll be okay.” 

“I hope you’re right,” he whispers back, and god, so does she. 

* * * 

Zig doesn’t cry until later that night, after his mom leaves for home and he thinks Maya has fallen asleep. He holds his head in his hands and he fucking _sobs_ , and he can’t stop himself. And it’s so pathetic how loud and hysterical he sounds, but he can’t calm himself down. He could die, he could fucking die, and it’s all because he’s so stupid.

Maya awakes a few moments later, and she instantly rushes to his side, hugging him and whispering sweet nothings to him while he chokes out, “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” through harsh sobs. He cries to her about how he’s so _stupid_ because he completely fucked his life up. Because now he’s sick - _really fucking sick_ \- from poisoning his body. Because he thought he was invincible so he did whatever he wanted without thinking of the consequences. And now he has to have heart surgery. 

Nothing Maya says to him can console him, so she just lets him cry. He later collapses back against the stiff hospital pillows, his chest rising and falling as he struggles to catch his breath once he's calmed down. She climbs into bed next to him and she holds him, kissing his cheek, his neck, his forehead, and whispering to him that it’s going to be okay. That he’s going to be okay. 

He shakes head. “It’s not okay, Maya,” he tells her. “ _I’m_ not okay.” 

“Zig, you can’t think like that,” she tells him. 

“Think like what?” he asks. “It’s the truth, Maya, I’m sick - my heart is fucked. No amount of that ‘positive thinking’ bullshit is going to fix my heart.”

Maya sighs. She knows Zig is right, but she refuses to admit that. She refuses to let him go down without a fight. “It’s _going_ to be okay,” she repeats. “It’s not okay now, but it will be and you have to believe that, okay? Just keep telling yourself that until you believe it.”

“You mean like you are?” he asks, and it isn’t meant to be mean or snarky but there’s a sharp stab to her heart when he asks this and she winces. 

“Yes,” she says, her voice steady. She doesn’t feel steady at all though. “Exactly like I am. Because I refuse to believe that my boyfriend is sick and not getting better. So I’m going to tell you this every single day until I believe it and until you believe it, but you are _going_ to be _okay_.”

Zig stares at her for a moment, his tired eyes meeting her anxious ones and he eventually sighs in defeat, saying, “Okay. You’re right, I’m going to be okay.”

Maya manages a small smile. “Yeah, you are,” she says, but the words taste foreign on her tongue and she can barely choke them down.

* * * 

A few days later, Zig’s doctor tells them that Zig is going to need surgery to attempt to repair some of the damage to his heart. 

“While the damage is extensive,” his doctor is explaining. “It’s not irreversible - yet. There’s still a chance we can salvage what’s left of your heart.”

“A chance?” Zig asks. 

“Well, this a bit of a risky surgery,” he tells him. Then his doctor goes into the details of open heart surgery, Zig’s specific case, and the odds of everything working out in their favor versus the odds of something going wrong. Zig and Maya both listen intently, but Maya doesn’t want to hear anymore; she wants action. She wants Zig to have this operation as soon as possible.

“So, what happens if I don’t have the surgery?” Zig asks, and Maya’s head turns to look towards him so fast she feels as though she’s given herself whiplash. 

His doctor sighs. “Eventually the blockages in your heart would build up, causing your heart to stop.” 

“How long would I have?” Zig asks. “Y’know, until that... happened.”

“Zig.” Maya stares at him in disbelief, unable to understand why he won’t just say yes to the surgery. Zig ignores her, all his attention focused on his doctor.

“It all depends,” his doctor tells him. “But Mr. Novak, what you have to understand is while the surgery is risky the chances of it decreasing your life expectancy is rare.” 

“But the surgery _is_ risky, correct?” Zig asks. “Meaning that it might not even be successful, or cure me? Or that I could die -”

“You dying during this operation would, again, be rare, Zig,” his doctor interrupts.

“Zig, what are you doing?” Maya asks him. 

“I’m just trying to weigh my options,” he says, and then he turns back to his doctor. “Can I think about it?”

“You can,” he starts. “But as your doctor I’d have to advise you not to wait too long - the longer you wait to do anything, the more irreversible the damage may become.”

“Gotcha,” Zig says with a nod. His doctor leaves, and Zig turns to look at Maya, who is staring at him with wide eyes.

“What the hell?” she asks. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” 

“Of course not,” he says. “But I need to talk to my mom about this, I need to consider my options -” Maya starts to pace around his room, and he sighs a little. “Look, I know you’re mad,” he starts.

“I’m not mad,” she says back immediately. “Why would I be mad? This is your decision after all; it’s not like it effects me in any way.”

He bites his bottom lip; she’s mad, and she’s being stubborn, and he knows this is not going to be an easy conversation to have. “This surgery is risky, Maya,” Zig tries to explain. “And you heard what my doctor said - there’s already a lot of damage done to my heart -”

“I know what your doctor said, Zig!” she interrupts. “But since when do you listen to authority anyway?”

Zig sighs, “Maya -”

“No, I get it okay,” she cuts in. “I get that you’re scared, and you’re worried that you might not survive the operation, and you’re afraid that it’ll all be pointless once they open up your chest and try to repair the damage - we’re _all_ worried about that Zig! But what if the operation is a success? What if it fixes _everything_?”

“It’s a fifty-fifty chance, it’ll be like flipping a coin for God’s sake,” Zig tells her. And I’m sorry but I don’t know if that risk is worth taking.”

Maya stares at him, wordlessly for a moment. “So that’s it?” she asks. “You’re just going to give up?” 

“I’m not giving up, I’m being realistic,” he tries to tell her, but Maya isn’t hearing any of it. 

“No, you’re giving up - that’s exactly what you’re doing,” she says. “You’re giving up on your life, you’re giving up on your mom and your brother, and you’re giving up on me!”

“I’m not -”

“No, just listen for a second, Zig!” she says. “I don’t care how incredibly selfish I sound right now because if being selfish is going to get you to understand why you _have_ to go through with this surgery, then I’m going to be selfish!” She resumes pacing around the room, running her hands through her hair, unable to stand there and look Zig in the eye while she speaks. “God, Zig, you keep saying that everything will be okay and that _you’re_ going to be okay, but what about _me_? What about _me_?” She manages to get herself to stop pacing for a moment to look at him, tears welling up in her eyes as she asks, “Do you really think _I’m_ going to be okay if you die? You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, and I love you so much, Zig! I can’t even imagine a life without you, and I know this is incredibly selfish but I can’t lose you!” 

Zig sighs again, bringing his hands up to cover his face for a moment. “Maya -”

“I know that you’re going to be okay,” she continues as if he hadn’t spoken. “I know that you’ll be fine if you die, but I won’t! So you _have_ to fight, Zig! If you won’t do it for yourself, then please do it for me because if you just give up and let yourself die, then I will _never_ forgive you!”

He stares at her for a moment, his eyes widening with disbelief. “You won’t forgive me for dying?” Zig asks. 

“No!” Maya cries, her voice entangled in a sob but she’s apathetic to the tears rolling down her face. “For making me love you!” 

“C’mere,” Zig tells her, motioning for her to come over to him. She complies, and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug and she buries her face into the crook of his neck. “Shh, it’s okay, don’t cry.”

“It’s not okay,” Maya chokes out through her tears. “I love you, Zig, I can’t lose you. Please don’t leave me.” She hates herself for twisting his arm and coercing him into agreeing to this, but she’s selfish and if that means Zig gets to live, then she’ll deal with it. 

* * * 

Zig decides to have the surgery. Maya pretends that she doesn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt as she watches him and his mother sign the consent forms. His doctor reminds them all the risks, but Zig forces a small and says, “A life without risks is a life unlived.”

Maya spends the entire day at the hospital while Zig’s heart gets operated on. Her mom calls her, absolutely furious, when she finds out she skipped school. She doesn't say anything for a moment, just listens to her mom shout at her for being so irresponsible. It's only when Maya explains to her that Zig is sick, that he has Congestive Heart Failure, that he’s currently undergoing a risky surgery in an attempt to save his life and that she _needs_ to be here because she’s terrified that he isn’t going to wake up, her mom stops yelling at her. 

Maya starts crying a moment later. “I’m so scared,” she chokes out through her tears. “I don’t know what to do - or if there’s anything I can do, and I’m so scared I’m going to lose him.” Nothing her mom says can console her, because nothing she says will make Zig healthy again, but finally telling her mom something she had been keeping to herself for so long makes her feel a little bit better. Not much, but a little bit.

Eventually, she gets off of the phone with her mom and she continues to wait until Zig’s mom comes to her with the news. She tells her that the surgery didn’t go as well as expected, but the doctors were able to repair a lot of damage and they’re hoping from here on out that things will be okay. 

She smiles widely as she says this, tears welling up in her eyes. “Things will be okay,” she repeats, taking Maya’s hands in her own. Maya can’t help but to smile a bit as well. _‘Things will be okay,’_ she tells herself, and this time she believes it. 

* * *

Things aren’t okay. Zig isn’t getting better - in fact, he’s getting worse, and about a month later, he finds out that he’s going to need a heart transplant. 

Zig’s mom cries but Zig just doesn’t say anything. It’s almost as if he was expecting things to go downhill like this. 

“I’m sorry,” Maya whispers to him, because she doesn’t know what else to say anymore. 

“Yeah, me too,” Zig replies, his voice soft and distant. Maya leaves, giving him some time alone with his mom, and she slides down to the floor in the hospital hallway. The tears come a moment later as she tries to tries to figure out how life can do such terrible things. . 

* * * 

It’s the night before Zig’s surgery. Maya paces throughout his hospital room, biting her nails 

“Relax,” he tries to tell her. 

“I don’t know how to relax,” she replies. “You know this.”

“It’s just a heart transplant,” he says as if it’s no big deal in the slightest. “I’ll be in and out in just a few hours.” Maya bites her lip, not wanting to remind him that with each passing day he’s not getting any better. She doesn’t want to remind him that his first heart surgery wasn’t as successful as they had hoped it would be. She doesn’t want to remind him that he may not be healthy enough to make it through another operation. So, she just opts not to say anything. 

“Hey,” Zig’s voice catches her attention and she looks up at him. He looks different; aged, almost. Tired. Sick. The bags under his eyes are deeper than they’ve ever been, the circles under his eyes darker than night. His eyes are almost frequently bloodshot and lifeless, and his skin has gone a sickly shade of white. But still he manages to smile, a real and genuine smile, and if anything, it gives Maya the slightest bit of hope. Not a lot, because she can’t help but to be a realist, but it’s hope nonetheless.

“C’mere,” he says, patting the side of his bed. 

Zig’s hospital bed is hardly big enough for him, never mind the two of them, but as per his request Maya sits tentatively on the edge of his mattress. Rolling his eyes, Zig shifts over as much as he can and once again pats the empty space in his bed. Almost hesitantly, Maya goes to lie down next to him, rolling over so she’s on her side and facing him. And Zig wraps his arms around her, holding her close, allowing her to bury her face in his collarbone.

“You know,” he starts. “There used to be a time where you weren’t afraid to get so close to me.”

“I’m not afraid,” Maya mumbles in reply. And she isn’t afraid - she’s fucking terrified. 

“Yeah, neither am I,” Zig replies, and then he kisses the top of her head. They fall silent for a moment, the beeping of Zig’s heart monitor is the only sound heard. He breaks the silence by whispering, “I love you, Maya Matlin.”

Despite the overwhelming urge to cry that washes over her when she hears him say this, she smiles and whispers back, “I love you too.”

Another pause. “Maya?” he asks.

“Hmm?” 

“Will you marry me?” 

Maya just about stops breathing for a second, her breath hitches in her throat and her eyes go wide. “Wh - what?” She goes to sit up, just about falling off of the bed and Zig grabs her by the waist, telling her to be careful. She ignores her impending danger and shakes her head, and she asks, “What did you say?” 

Zig smiles a little. His face is flushing red and he takes Maya’s hands, bringing them up to his mouth and kissing her knuckles. “I said,” he starts. “Will you marry me?” 

She’s speechless - literally speechless, any and all words failing her completely as she sits with her mouth agape. It feels as though this is a dream, but then again everything lately has been feeling like some strange, neverending dream. Maybe this’ll be the part where she wakes up; the calm before the storm, the happy ending she and Zig deserve. 

“Oh, Zig,” is all she can say.

“I - I would’ve gotten you a ring,” he starts, nervous and stuttering, squeezing her hands tightly. “But I haven’t been able to get discharged yet, and I didn’t trust Tiny and Grace to pick one out by themselves. But as soon as the doctors say I’m okay enough to leave, I’m going to get you the biggest and most beautiful diamond ring. I just - I didn’t want to wait that long. I’ve been waiting long enough, and I’ve been thinking about asking you this for a while now but -”

“Zig,” she interrupts, silencing him immediately. She swallows, taking a deep breath, and after a moment she manages to choke out, “Of course, I’ll marry you,”

The smile on Zig’s face is wider than ever, and he pulls her in close, throwing his arms around her and hugging her. Maya presses her face into his shoulder, closing her eyes as tears roll down her face. She’s engaged to the love of her life, she should be _happy_. But she isn’t - not entirely happy, that is. Because there’s a little voice in the back of her mind telling her that Zig is only proposing because he’s sick, because he’s dying, and because he’s afraid that he won’t have another chance to do it. And that’s the reality of it - Zig _is_ dying. His heart is getting weaker and one day it’s going to stop completely, and that’s why he’s proposed. There’s nothing happy about that ending.

But she loves Zig Novak, and he loves her. And if there days together are numbered, then she’d rather spend them as his fiancée than anything else.


End file.
